SCARY CLOSE (Donald Miller) Part 2

This post is based on SCARY CLOSE by Donald Miller, Nelson Books, 2014. All quotes in red are from the book. 

6.7.15  DECEPTION
Proverbs 26:18-19 MSG
People who shrug off deliberate deceptions, saying, “I didn’t mean it, I was only joking,” Are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires.

Deception in any form kills intimacy.  

            Scorekeeper – Whenever somebody starts keeping score in a relationship the relationship begins to die. (104) 

            The Judge – A judge personality strongly believes in right and wrong and believe they are the ones to decide right and wrong for others.  Judgers don’t give up control. (106)

            The False Hero – A false hero manipulates by leading people to believe they have something better to offer than they do. (106)

            The Fearmonger – Fearmongers rule by making people suffer the consequences of insubordination.  They manipulate by making people believe they are strong. (108)

            The Flopper – A flopper is somebody who overdramatizes their victimhood in order to gain sympathy and attention.  They assume the role of victim whenever they can. (110)  False victims are, themselves, passive oppressors.  They seek control by making you feel guilty about what you’ve done.  They don’t want to reconcile, they want control. (111)

          Manipulators.  Manipulating.  The dictionary defines it as "the skillful handling, controlling or using of something or someone, often for personal advantage".  It is NOT a way to establish or maintain relationships because one person is always attempting to control the other.  And yet, this sometimes seems to be the foundational basis for some relationships!  It just doesn't work.
          What do we do when we see manipulating happening from outside a relationship?  Good question.  But I think our best efforts can be unconditional support for both parties and to continue to speak the truth with grace.  Easier said than done.  

6.9.15  Regrets and Fears
Proverbs 5:11 MSG
You don’t want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones, Saying, “Oh, why didn’t I do what they told me? 

Remarkably, the most common regret of the dying was this: they wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life others expected of them. 

…I wondered how many opinions I’ve wanted to share but held back for fear of criticism; what love I’ve wanted to express by stayed silent for fear of rejection; or the poems and stories I’ve never released because I didn’t think they were good enough for publication.  (140)

          How often do we let our fears control us and then regret it?  I can think of nothing better than knowing when I am dying that I lived a full and good life.  That I did what was true to me, that I was myself in all ways possible.  The only way to achieve that is to start DOING IT NOW!  Don't let the fear of something control me, don't let rejection or criticism silence me.  I allowed myself to feel criticism too deeply at times.  If I am secure that my actions are true, then I cannot worry about the opinions of others.  

6.24.15  God Is Light! 
Isaiah 60:19 GNT
“No longer will the sun be your light by day
Or the moon be your light by night;
I, the Lord, will be your eternal light;
The light of my glory will shine on you.

God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.  When you are with God, there is no darkness, no hiding, no pretending.  When you are with God, you have the freedom and courage to be yourself. (165)

     Wow.  It has been over two weeks since I have stopped long enough to return to my posts on Donald Miller's book, Scary Close.  But today I scrolled through the remaining quotes I had earmarked to ponder and found this one on light.  I am teaching a VBS class today and the theme for the day?  God is light.  Not a coincidence I believe.  

     The preschooler level point for today is very simple.  God chases away the darkness in our world.  Preschoolers don't perhaps understand discouragement or anxiety, poor decisions and broken relationships.  But they can understand darkness and the joy and hope that comes when the lights turn on!  

      When we live in the light of God, we can't hide in the dark.  The shadows of our life are revealed and forgiven.  The light shines brightly, but it is a freeing light that truly does allow us to become all that God intended.  It is a light that allows us to SEE clearly what God wants.  

      May the light of God's glory shine on us all today.  Amen.  
NOTE:  The words on this prayer are inspired from our VBS message of the day! 

6.25.15  God Is Forever! 
Revelation 21:3-4 GNT
Now God's home is with people! He will live with them, and they shall be his people.  God himself will be with them, and he will be their God.  He will wipe away all tears from their eyes.  There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain.  The old things have disappeared.

NEW FREEDOMS:

            I am willing to sound dumb.

            I am willing to be wrong.

            I am willing to be passionate about something that isn’t perceived as cool.

            I am willing to express a theory.

            I am willing to admit I’m afraid.

            I am willing to contradict something I’ve said before.

            I am willing to have a knee-jerk reaction, even a wrong one.

            I am willing to apologize.

            I am perfectly willing to be perfectly human. (p148)

          Donald Miller created this list of 'Freedoms' in the final chapters of his book.  Today at Bible School we are talking about Heaven, what we will find there and what we will not find.  We will talk about eternity and the 'foreverness' of heaven.  It seems to me that the forever frees us to truly live the kind of life God wants here in this mortal time period.  Knowing the beauty and blessing of heaven frees us now.  
          We talked at VBS about the welcome mat that God and Jesus throw out, inviting us to the grand party of heaven, the mansion that is being prepared and what we might like to find in our own special room.  We talked about tears and sickness, hurt and pain - heaven is free of all that. 
          With all that talk of perfect heaven, I pondered what additional freedoms I would add to Miller's list.  I came up with these (for starters....)

I am willing to be criticized and not take it personally. 

I am willing to spend my time with projects of value and worth.

I am willing to say NO to requests that don’t fulfill me.

I am free to value silence and meditation and not regard it as unproductive.  

          As I ponder the freedom of knowing my future home, perhaps more 'new freedoms' will be added to the list. What would you include?

6.27.15 IMITATION
1 Thessalonians 1:6 VOICE
We lived transparently before you so that you would know what sort of people we truly are. We did it for your sake,6 and you have modeled your lives after ours just as we are modeling ours after the Lord. You took to heart the word we taught with joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, even in the face of trouble.

Children learn what’s worth living for and what’s worth dying for by the stories they watch us live.  (226)

          Today is also the day I write in my RIVER ABC Quick Write, so I selected this quote from Donald Miller's book to work with that as well.  I have finished reading the book, and in so doing, I wrote down the quotes that I wanted to reflect on.  As I finish this post, they may not be in 'book order', but as I ponder the list and decide which I want to think about that day!  

          Imitation.  When teaching I remember using the word frequently when another teacher would want to use one of my ideas.  When asked, I always responded that 'imitation is the highest form of flattery'!  They were saying my idea was worthy of imitation!  Our children watch us carefully.  They learn from our actions MUCH more than from our words.  They learn from total scope of our life as well as the individual moments.  They learn from our disappointments, our anger, and our reaction and response to hard times.  What stories have my children learned?  There are times when I watch Luke in action at church and I hope that with God's help (and the whole church), we demonstrated a life of service and praise.  But there are also times when I learn from my son, when he is the one I want to imitate!  

          My mind is wandering this morning, but as I reread the scripture I can't help but focus on 'joy inspired by the Holy Spirit, even in the face of trouble'. And I think of dear friends, Habitat friends in Montana, who are looking cancer trouble in the eye and yet knowing the individual, I am inspired to know she is probably filled with joy, because that is who she is!  May we model ourselves after, and be a model for others, of that joy-filled life, a life worthy of our calling.  

6.28.15  Wrapping It Up

          I have been musing Donald Miller's book for over a month now....off and on.  It is time to move on!  So today I will ponder three final quotes from the book very briefly. 

William Blake said about Jesus that he was ‘all virtue and acted from impulse, not from rules.’ (149)

          I think this resonated with me because Rick makes frequent comments about organized religion and rules - he has no room for regulations that put a limit on one's ability to act in a Christ-like manner.  Rules for no reason he will say!  And yet the New Testament is filled with instances in which Jesus acted on the spur of the moment, breaking some OT law.  But he acted because it was the right thing to do!  

How many relationships have been ruined by two people attempting to squeeze the Jesus out of each other?  (214)   I don’t know if there’s a healthier way for two people to stay in love than to stop using each other to resolve their unfulfilled longings and, instead, start holding each other closely as they experience them. (216)

          The phrase 'squeeze the Jesus out of each other' made me smile.  Yet so many relationships are based on what can you do for me that the people do bleed each other dry!  A mutual support and encouragement relationship that seeks to nourish the hopes of dreams of one another will last the tests of time.  Such a relationship is one which is confident enough to allow each other the freedom to follow their dreams.  

Three recommendations for living a life of deep meaning; Viktor Frankl:

1.     Have a project to work on, some reason to get out of bed in the morning and preferably something that serves other people.

2.     Have a redemptive perspective on life’s challenges.  That is, when something difficult happens, recognize the ways that difficulty also serves you.

3.     Share your life with a person or people who love you unconditionally. (183)

           Clint and Kathy Norrell are here visiting, Habitat CAV friends.  They recently attended a rally for Artic Fox RVs and while they met new people and found it enjoyable, it wasn't meaningful.  Clint wrote that conversations circled almost entirely around what people HAVE rather than what people DO in service.  They are much more fulfilled by the Care-a-Vanner gatherings!  Habitat gives them that 'project to work on' as it does Rick and I.  

          The second recommendation centers on a positive outlook on life, that joyfilled life I spoke of yesterday.  Seeing the good in situations and in people. 

           And lastly, uinconditional love.  Share it....with God and with each other.  

As Miller expressed over and over in his book, it is SCARY to get so CLOSE in a relationship, whether that relationship is with another person or with God.  But the end result is boundless love, freedom, and hope.  Amen.  

This post is based on SCARY CLOSE by Donald Miller, Nelson Books, 2014. All quotes in red are from the book.